Assuming is mine. What is yours?

stop stop stopAs November has ended and December is here I want to share the other 3 STOP behaviors.  Last post I shared how WANTING can be a behavior to STOP.  The other 3 behaviors that, when stopped, bring a plethora of love and compassion to our lives.

HOLDING on to something or someone can be painful when we have to let go.  If pain and suffering occur then we need to let go of that HOLDING behavior.  Some of us hold on to things.  Other of us hold on to beliefs, and many of us hold on to people.   Again, holding on to people, things etc. is fine unless we feel pain and suffering when we have to let go.   I want to make something clear here.  When we hold on to a person, maybe a partner, and we have to let go for whatever reason, we will often feel pain.  But, the pain and suffering I am talking about is when our lives become unlivable.

ASSUMING is my hardest behavior to stop.  I can think of all kinds of reasons but the fact is that I assume things that, at times, cause pain and suffering.   For example, during the holidays if someone doesn’t come to my gathering I assume they don’t like me and I feel pain.  Another example of assuming that I am working on is I assume silence with someone means I’m boring and I feel uncomfortable and sad.  I am working on stopping these assumptions daily and I must say life is much easier and joyful.

The last STOP behavior that we need to watch is MONITORING.  When we monitor others’ behaviors etc. we can cause pain and suffering for them and us.  As parents we often want to monitor everything our children do and say.  It is important to watch out for our children but we need to be careful not to be “helicopter” parents.  It can cause pain and suffering for everyone involved.  We know our children and know what we need to keep and eye on.  Let the rest go.  Some of us monitor our colleagues, neighbors, competition at work etc.  If pain and suffering happens because of that, STOP doing it.

Finally, when we are feeling pain and suffering and not sure why, I suggest taking a look at those 4 STOP behaviors (WHAM).  Most of the time we are doing one or more of them.  Stopping them will give us the opportunity to change our lives from fear to love.

Now, many of you have mentioned how do we do that.  How do we stop those behaviors?  Honestly, simply stopping them is what needs to happen.  However, there are 5 Laws of Life to follow that will make stopping those behaviors easier and will bring love and compassion back into our lives.

  1. The Law of intent. statement-of-intentionGet into the habit and looking and what you say and asking  yourself  “What is my intention…” of saying or doing that. If it comes from love, then you know your intention is true.  If not, then that means that is a behavior to stop.
  2. The Law of possibility.  We need to remember anything is possible once we set our intention and if it comes from love and compassion. possibilities Don’t limit yourself or others.  For example, if you are monitoring someone and judging her choices by thinking that will never happen remember the law of possibility.
  3. The law of choice.  You ALWAYS have a choice even if it is not to do anything.  You have a choice to stop a behavior or not.  You have a choice to come from love or fear.
  4. The Law of giving.  The act of giving is very powerful and when done from love and compassion will make this world a better place.
  5. The Law of trust.  We need to trust that everying is just the way it is supposed to be even if we don’t understand it. trust When we can let go of those STOP behaviors each day and trust we are truly living a life filled with love and compassion.

I hope this helps you have a joy filled holiday season.  It is helping me each day.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

 

Let’s have a wonderful holiday season!

Today is the beginning of the holiday season for my family.  We have a wonderful breakfast, decorate the tree while watching the Macy’s parade.  Maybe a drive down the coast or a walk on the beach in the afternoon.  Then, after a fun day together we have a nice traditional dinner together.  This is the joyous beginning of our holidays but there will probably be some stressful times in the next several weeks.

Trying to get the best gifts within your budget, seeing family, friends, and colleagues when you might not want to see all of them, having a busy Christmas Day with family or chosen family, or being alone can trigger thoughts and actions that do not come from love.

I want to take this time to remind myself and others how to bring more love and compassion to these weeks and less judgement, fear, and frustration.

LOVE

There are four STOP behaviors that when stopped can bring joy and peace to your holidays and, hopefully, the days beyond.  If we stop these behaviors our lives will be more joyful and loving:  WANTING, HOLDING, ASSUMING, and MONITORING (WHAM).

Today, I want to talk about WANTING.  When we don’t get what we want whether it’s a thing or a person’s actions etc. and we feel pain, anger, sadness etc. then it is a WANTING that need to stop.  During the holidays we may want all our family to be together and some of them are going somewhere else.  That may create pain in the form of judgement, jealousy, or anger, for example.  If that happens STOP WANTING all of the family to be together and enjoy who is present.

You may want to get something that is out of your budget for your partner and you feel pain (anger, frustration, jealousy, etc.).  That is another WANT to STOP and get a gift within your budget that you know will be enjoyed.

Another want that often occurs is wanting someone to be happy during the holidays and he or she isn’t.  We are sad because that person isn’t happy.  We feel pain and suffering becaue we want someone who is unhappy to be happy.  That is a WANT to STOP.  We can be with that person and try to share our happiness but we cannot be attached to him or her being happy.  Wanting is fine if it doesn’t trigger pain and suffering.

Happiness keyWhen you STOP WANTING your life will be filled with love, happiness, and peace.  Those behaviors that used to be triggered by your wanting not being fulfilled just slowly disappear as you practice stopping them.  There will be much more peace in each day. Peace in the sand

Check back in a week and I will talk about the behavior of HOLDING and how it can cause pain and suffering.  Stopping that behavior can open doors to love and compassion.

WORRIED

Worry faceI have hesitated with writing about this because I try to leave my politics out of my blog.  However, what is going on in this country is so terrible and empty of love that I must try to express myself here.

The hate and anger that is so pervasive right now towards the democrats, liberals, news media etc. is frightening.  I believed that such distain and hate for other humans in our country took its last breath decades ago.

Watching and reading about groups chanting “Lock her up” and “CNN sucks” at a presidential rally and the president not stopping it was so dissappointing as a American.   Death threats and pipe bombs are becoming common in my country.

I am not sure I want to live in a country that does not have love and compassion for others.  I know some of you would say, “Then leave” and I am seriously looking into it but I am an American and lived here all of my life.  I don’t want to leave my homeland but I don’t want to live somewhere that doesn’t have healthcare for everyone, doesn’t support equal rights for women, doesn’t provide for the less fortunate, and education is not a top priority for our children.

I want to be somewhere that I can participate in the universal support and care for the environment and know I am making a difference because the people around me, the country I am living in values education, women and men, healthcare for all, and the environment.  I want to live somewhere that is working towards a strong, healthy, educated future for all.  I hoped that was the United States but each day that passes lessens that hope.

Here’s to tomorrow and a loving and compassionate homeland wherever that is.

RISK

RISK

 

 

I am taking some risks lately and am reminded of this wonderful poem by William Ward.   It supports the Five Laws of Life (Living From Your Heart) that I practice daily and my choices throughout this time of my life.    I thought it might be relevant to you.  

 RISK

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement,

To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return,

To live is to risk dying,

To hope is to risk despair,

To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest   hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,

But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.

Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

The pessimist complains about the wind;

The optimist expects it to change;

And the realist adjusts the sails.

-William Arthur Ward