Hello, I took a must needed break from social media through the summer. I am back and want to share why I took the break and what I learned. It was around my birthday in May. My life was stressful and I was not intentional in my actions. I just reacted to everything. Mindfulness wasn’t in my actions. I was reacting day to day to people, events, and news from my head not my heart. So, I had to stop.
During the summer I took time to reevaluate my life. I started therapy and began writing in my journal again. I learned that I was such a people pleaser and codependent that my life was absorbed with others needs. My needs were not even known to me.
So, I began looking at what my heart needed and wanted. I found that I needed to be by the ocean and I hadn’t been lately.
I also became aware that I wasn’t stopping and noticing the beauty around me.
I spent time with family and friends.
I also began writing again and hope one day to have a biographical fiction to publish.
I learned from this hiatus from social media and my unintentional life that I miss a great deal when I react instead of being present and let my heart lead me. When I do that I can appreciate so much in my life every day.
I will be writing here more but I will make sure it is all from my heart not my head. As Gary Zukav said, “The longest journey we will make is from our head to our heart.”
I have been following the news today and tears well up in my eyes when I see images like these. This is the new Congress where women and children will come first.
I am a teacher, mother of three daughters, and grandmother to two amazing little people. There have been times in my past where I know that I or my daughters are considered second class citizens. I would find myself clenching my jaw at times as I watch how kids treat each other, often following their parents’ lead. These preconceived ideas about women, people of color, and anyone that is different from the norm are so imbedded in our culture.
This last year has been upsetting for me as so many prejudices and fear-based beliefs have become so active in this country and world. I watched our government destroy so much of what I believe in. However, today, I feel such joy and hope and can say I am glad to be an American. I am looking forward to seeing the results and trickle down effect of these souls’ boldness, courage, commitment, and bravery.
As November has ended and December is here I want to share the other 3 STOP behaviors. Last post I shared how WANTING can be a behavior to STOP. The other 3 behaviors that, when stopped, bring a plethora of love and compassion to our lives.
HOLDING on to something or someone can be painful when we have to let go. If pain and suffering occur then we need to let go of that HOLDING behavior. Some of us hold on to things. Other of us hold on to beliefs, and many of us hold on to people. Again, holding on to people, things etc. is fine unless we feel pain and suffering when we have to let go. I want to make something clear here. When we hold on to a person, maybe a partner, and we have to let go for whatever reason, we will often feel pain. But, the pain and suffering I am talking about is when our lives become unlivable.
ASSUMING is my hardest behavior to stop. I can think of all kinds of reasons but the fact is that I assume things that, at times, cause pain and suffering. For example, during the holidays if someone doesn’t come to my gathering I assume they don’t like me and I feel pain. Another example of assuming that I am working on is I assume silence with someone means I’m boring and I feel uncomfortable and sad. I am working on stopping these assumptions daily and I must say life is much easier and joyful.
The last STOP behavior that we need to watch is MONITORING. When we monitor others’ behaviors etc. we can cause pain and suffering for them and us. As parents we often want to monitor everything our children do and say. It is important to watch out for our children but we need to be careful not to be “helicopter” parents. It can cause pain and suffering for everyone involved. We know our children and know what we need to keep and eye on. Let the rest go. Some of us monitor our colleagues, neighbors, competition at work etc. If pain and suffering happens because of that, STOP doing it.
Finally, when we are feeling pain and suffering and not sure why, I suggest taking a look at those 4 STOP behaviors (WHAM). Most of the time we are doing one or more of them. Stopping them will give us the opportunity to change our lives from fear to love.
Now, many of you have mentioned how do we do that. How do we stop those behaviors? Honestly, simply stopping them is what needs to happen. However, there are 5 Laws of Life to follow that will make stopping those behaviors easier and will bring love and compassion back into our lives.
- The Law of intent. Get into the habit and looking and what you say and asking yourself “What is my intention…” of saying or doing that. If it comes from love, then you know your intention is true. If not, then that means that is a behavior to stop.
- The Law of possibility. We need to remember anything is possible once we set our intention and if it comes from love and compassion. Don’t limit yourself or others. For example, if you are monitoring someone and judging her choices by thinking that will never happen remember the law of possibility.
- The law of choice. You ALWAYS have a choice even if it is not to do anything. You have a choice to stop a behavior or not. You have a choice to come from love or fear.
- The Law of giving. The act of giving is very powerful and when done from love and compassion will make this world a better place.
- The Law of trust. We need to trust that everying is just the way it is supposed to be even if we don’t understand it. When we can let go of those STOP behaviors each day and trust we are truly living a life filled with love and compassion.
I hope this helps you have a joy filled holiday season. It is helping me each day.